Leaving Den Haag

The last couple of days have been relatively uneventful. Sal and I have been watching loads of porn (who knew double penetration was so popular?) but the awkwardness of last Sunday has not been repeated. I guess she has read He is Just Not That Into You as well, especially the chapter He's not that into you if he doesn't want to have sex with you.

Anyway, the two gay clubs here, Stairs and Friends, are only open on the weekend so I have been spending my days sightseeing and evenings eating lovely meals with sal. It has been nice to catch up on old times and sift through her photos of us over the years.

Yesterday I spent the day at Scheveningen, a North Sea beach resort - read COLD, hiking through the dunes and examining the sleeping remnants of Nazi monsters. Today unfortunate looking rich people and I jockied for a decent view of the Vermeers on display at the Maurithaus. The play of light in the View of Delft is exquisite. I learnt the word for Lady!, mevrouw, when I got too close to the tiny little dots in the painting.

Tomorrow I am to Amsterdam. They have several gay bars there :)

Rachel **

Inside Peaches

Fresh fruit (not the staff, please!) salad
- Menu item at Scallywags, Den Haag

The day started off lazy. South Asian lovely, aka sal, let me sleep in until eleven, fed me a big feed and then took me into town. Den Haag is a beautiful city of cobble stoned streets, canals, open tree filled squares and plenty of cyclists and trams to dodge. We shopped, sauntered, purchased me a SIM card, savoured for cream tea and basically made a relaxing day of it.

At one point we stopped in what can best described as a pharmacy without the pharmaceuticals, seeking hair product. After awhile, sal led me to an array of vibrators on display in the window. She had loads of questions.

"Rachel, what does this one do? Why is there a rabbit there?"
"Oh, that bit goes ... while that other piece slips in ... "
"Would this really fit on any vibrating toothbrush?"

Now that question made me pause. I stopped and looked at the small red silicon brush visible in the package's window and the diagram on how to screw it onto any electronic tooth brush. Made in Canada? I pursed my lips. Could it be that the lovely undergrad I had been fortunate enough to encounter four years ago had quit her fine arts degree to mass produce the, um, modified vibrating toothbrush she had so happily demoed to me at the time? Guess I'll never know for sure.

We left the store empty handed, returned to Sal's large flat and the 24/7 porn channel just in time for Inside Peaches: Hot stories written for Peaches by Peaches' female fans. Sal began to question me as the episode's story unfolded and I began to question a few things myself.

"Is this really how lesbians have sex?"
"Some might. Yeah, it seems fairly accurate. Their nails are a bit long and I'd be moving in closer."
"What's she doing now?"
I explained. "But, I'd probably put my fingers the other way."
"Really?"
"Yeah."

There was a long pause while I considered how uncomfortable I was watching pseudo-lesbian porn with a close platonic pal. Our hands touched in the popcorn bowl.

"Ya know what, I'm going to have a shower and get some sleep."
"Would you like some company?"

A really awkward pause followed. Finally, I broke it.
"No thanks. It has been a fun day. I'll see you tomorrow."

I slipped off, had a shower and quietly read He's Just Not That Into You in the spare room. It's actually quite a useful book.

Rachel *** (dodging action)

p.s. I had my eyebrows done while we were out shopping. I'll upload a decent shot of me to my facebook profile for dykoon.

p.p.s. To be honest, I was a bit shy above as I didn't want sal to see the symetrically placed bite breath , bite breath bruises tracing the insides of my thighs. (I don't tell you everything).

Den Haag

Hello from the Hague, Netherlands! I am writing from south asia lovely`s Swiss French keyboard which is trickier than expected. Why are the 'z' and 'y' swapped?

South asia lovely is a cute transplanted Montreal street funk who is living here in expat redux. She has an unusually spacious apartment with a view, something not to be sneezed at here in the land of three story brick edifices. Today is a bit grey but I'm not complaining. Beautiful Dutch women whiz past me on their bicycles pumping their calves into perfection.

I arrived in the Netherlands yesterday just before noon as my flight was five hours delayed leaving Montreal. The delay was annoying but when the airline feels the need to change the entire plane due to a fuel leak, I'd rather wait out the five hours than get on a death trap.

I was feeling a bit groggy from jet lag and last week's adventures so really appreciated that south asian lovely had driven the forty five minutes from the Hague to pick me up at Schiphol in the cutest little blue car. Perhaps because of my grogginess, it took me a shower and cup of coffee to realise how much south asian lovely has sexed it up since the last time I saw her. Always cute, the woman is now hot hot hot in an alterna executive way. Or how would you describe a classy euro dresser with deep purple tips tracing the jags of her ebony locks?

By the time I had awoken to her increased loveliness, it was time for the "Welcome Rachel" dinner whose main feature was the most delicious melt in your mouth fall off the bone chicken curry I have ever had. That really is something that Montreal lacks in the downtown core, decent Indian. The other dinner guests were expats who, like south asian lovely, work for international justice organizations here in The Hague. As you can imagine, the dinner conversation was scintillating. I sat wide eyed and silent listening in awe to the real stories behind the slivers of truth we receive in the Canadian press. It also struck me that I need to get over my tedious middle class angst. Sure, I have work related conflicts but the people I have conflicts with are not alleged mass murderers.

Getting over herself,
Rachel (nil)

Les sourcils

I ache in the places where I used to play.
-- Leonard Cohen I'm Your Man

My head HURTS. My bud dykoon was in town last night. It is always a pleasure to see her and not only because she is one of my few remaining friends who knows how to party. Last night before we zig zagged to and from Old Montreal, the plateau, mile end and the Village in search of martinis and good times we had dinner at L'Express - Ile Flottant, yum. About a bottle of wine into our meal and during a lull in my laments about the Montreal scene, dykoon pursed her lips and regarded me with quizzical interest.

"Rachel, I like the new look, the hair, the clothes it's good, suits you but ... " She paused.
"What?"
"Nah, you're going to kill me."
"Come on! Tell me." She shook her head. "Dykoon, you can't leave me hanging like that!"
"Okay!" at which point she leapt out of her chair and, with suit coat flapping, grabbed my cheeks to twist my face from side to side. "Eyebrows!"
"What?"
"You need to get your eyebrows done. It will open up your face and I swear you will have women eating out of the palm of your hand in six months." Now that sounded good.
"Okay." She sat down again.
"And get your hair layered."
"Okay."
"And stop whining. It's unattractive."
"Okay, I'm on it."
"Good. Now where is this Barmacie?"

Like I said, always a pleasure but, wow, am I paying for it today. I think I'll just move the water cooler into my office.

Rachel

Walk of Shame

All night
She wants the young American
Young American, young American, she wants the young American
All right
She wants the young American
-- David Bowie Young American

This morning on the metro a woman who was so obviously on a walk of shame entered the car I was in. Wearing last night's smudged make up, she teetered over on scuffed heels to an empty seat and arranged her long sculpted legs under her trench. It was obvious from my vantage point that her stockings were riddled with tears. Blue green smudges darkened at her wrist and clavicle. She kept her eyes down but maintained a wistful grin before exiting at Bonaventure. I suppose she was rushing home to look for a turtle neck.

Well, at least someone in this city is getting laid.

Rachel **

No. Absolutely NOT.

As these things go, I have recently reconnected with a number of people from my sporty spice days via facebook. I was happy to reconnect with one woman who is so obviously out from her profile pic. We had always been good acquaintances/ team mates but never really hung out much outside of sports. To be honest, when I accepted her friend request it was more of a strategic, "Hmm, she's out. Maybe she has cute friends?" kinda move than an actual desire to meet up with her in person. So, imagine my surprise to find this wall post from her when I logged into facebook this morning:

Hey! Nice pics of you from two years ago. What happened? You're twice the woman you used to be. lol.

Yes, a wall post viewable to all my friends. I friggin' tasted blood. Absolutely 100% NOT what I wanted to wake up to this morning. I started to write on her wall

My body is the way I want it. And other people want it, too...

But reconsidered. Why write a defensive reply that will potentially linger in the internet's ether forever when I could easily acquire as much cyberspace as I needed? I cancelled out of her profile and returned to mine.

Delete post? Are you sure you want to Delete it?
Delete.

Remove Friend? Are you sure you want to remove this friend?
Remove.

Ah, so much better!
Rachel ***

What was that?

Okay, so now that I have had a couple of days to recoup and dry out from my "date" of last Friday I am beginning to wonder what the deal was. I mean, why did gorgeous insist on giving me her phone number if two days later she had a "let's be friends" speech ready for me? I under went a great deal of unnecessary angst last week preparing for that date, thank you very much. I even waxed. Everywhere.

Or maybe it is fine. A certain amount of baggage was opened up to me on Friday and it all seemed too sudden too soon. I mean, were we in the gardens for a date or a therapy session? Hm ... I think I had best proceed with caution here.

In other news, I just received my volunteer schedule for the image+nation film festival. I am really excited! Almost ten years ago, before I was out, I shyly asked a female friend of mine to a screening at the festival. We sat in the darkness munching and laughing along to the film until she pressed the length of her leg against mine. My breath completely left me and like the proverbial deer in her headlights, I froze. I wonder where she is now?

Rachel (nil)

The F word

Last night, a splatter of rain drops began to hit my office window just before six. I grabbed my massive company logo-ed golf umbrella on my way out the door. A fortunate thing as the rain was torrential on Friday night. I arrived at the botanical gardens just before seven with thermosed hot chocolate and biscotti. I spotted gorgeous in her gum boots by the gate. She folded up her umbrella and we walked into the nearly empty gardens under mine. My jeans were already soaked from my soft leather boots to my knees.

Blushing with small talk, we followed the lanterned path until we met the "lagoon". It was good and felt natural. The conversation flowed in rivulets until we paused next to the Friendship Pavilion facing the Stone Mountain. As I watched the lit boats sway in the water, I sensed a slight shift in gorgeous's position to mine. Sure enough, the dreaded words soon followed.

"Rachel, I need to tell you something ..." Perhaps inspired by the heavens opening up above us, a sordid tale of lesbian drama flowed from gorgeous's lips, a tale which it is not my place to repeat here. However, I will recommend to all of you, if you live with your partner, it's a good idea to have separate user accounts on your home computer. If you don't have those and you break up with said partner, it's a good idea to change your password on any and all internet accounts you may have. Never, ever cache those passwords. When you change those passwords, try not to make the new passwords guessable, for example "{her name}b1tch" is not a good choice.

And so I listened and empathized and outside of a few "hmmms" heard in silence while a part of me wondered what the hell I was doing in soaked pants and the driving rain listening and empathizing when I could be at home in front of my fireplace with a hot drink. Sadder still, I knew where the conversation was flowing to. No one ever says, "Can I talk to you?" or "I need to tell you something" when what they have to tell you is something you may want to hear. No, those phrases are always a precursor to getting fired or dumped. Last night, lucky me, it was neither. Instead I was offered the F word. Yes, the dreaded F word. No, not f**k or fudge or even evil facebook but friend. Friend. Platonic pal (argh).

A few years ago, I might have responded with "I have quite a few friends already, thank you." And I do. I love people and I have many friends but lately they have all been coupling up or having babies. Sometimes, even, both things have happened to the same friend. So ... yeah, I guess I could try my hand at being gorgeous's friend. Why not? She's hot. Surely she has hot friends.

Rachel **

Problem Solved :)

On my way home last night I saw an ad for the Magic of Laterns in the Chinese Gardens near the Big Owe. Yes, Montreal may only have "China block and half" but we do have Chinese Gardens. Then again, everywhere in this city is China town just like everywhere is Greek town or Haitian town. Montreal is simply no longer easy to divy up via ethnic boundaries. Even the traditional French English split east and west of St. Laurent Boulevard (St. Lawrence to American tourists) is blurring. So be it! Bring on diversity and all of her beautifully mixed trilingual children.

That was a bit of a tangent. "And now back to the original purpose of this post ..." So, I called gorgeous last night and we arranged to meet this evening at seven by the gates to the Botanical Gardens. I'm going to bring a little snack and some hot chocolate. Then again it might be too hot for hot chocolate. It is currently 15'C outside and the forecast indicates that it will be 19'C later. Unheard of in Montreal at this time of year. The world is ending but at least the flowers are prettily blooming.

Have a good weekend!
Rachel ****

Yikes!

OMG! gorgeous said "Friday?". That's tomorrow! Zuts! I have to call her tonight to make plans for TOMORROW. I need a plan for a hot first date pronto. Dinner ... too soon? movie maybe but then no talking and if I pick a bad one ... definitely no Drugstore!
Rachel **** (still :)

Happy Rides

Holy, I am the luckiest of the lucky! Last night on my metro ride back home from a friend's place in the Plateau, gorgeous magically appeared in my car. Okay, maybe that is an exageration but, well, I was adjusting the volume on my iPod when I heard a soft voice ask "Rachel?" I looked up to find gorgeous looking down at me.

Jumping out of my seat, I could not hide my excitement to see her. "Hi!", kiss on both cheeks, "Where are you coming from?" We shared some small talk for maybe two stations and then she looked at me rather intently. Feeling very brave I said, "I really enjoyed talking with you the other night." "Me too." Pause. "You should call me." "I don't have your number." "Give me your phone."

I happily handed over my mobile. With an impressive display of finger dexterity she inputted her name, including winky smiley, and number into my phone. She pressed the phone back into my hand, kissed me on the cheek asked, "Friday?" and lept off the train just before the doors closed at Champ de Mars. Beaming, I nodded at her through the glass as I was pulled out of the station.

Oy! I love a woman who knows what she wants. I guess that whole shy theory has been thrown out the window. Bonus ;)

Rachel ****

Events Oct 21-26

Lesbians and the Outdoors
Sunday, October 21st, 2007.
3 pm
Parc Lafontaine by the bridge near the mini falls.
Baseball, hackey sack and a frisbee.
Free

Kitty Cat Klub 5 a 7
Friday, October 26
6 pm a whenever :)
Le Cocktail
1669 Ste catherine Est
$5

Black Ball
e.g. you must wear black. Hallowe'en costumes optional
Friday, October 26 8:00pm
L'Alize
900 Ontario East
DJ Love Pussy
$10/$15

Mullet Magnet

Sad but true, I am a mullet magnet. I'm not sure what it is about my demeanor that attracts them but lesbians with bad hair decisions like to dance in my personal space. How the mullet aka hockey hair has survived the lesbian chic revolution, I'm not sure. Unfortunately the mullet, like too tight acid wash jeans and suede jackets with a fringe, has persisted in the community. How heartbreaking for the owners of the hair salon in the Le Drugstore to see women who desperately need their help climb by every Friday. No wonder they close early.

If you are not sure what a mullet is, you may be at risk of wearing one. Basically, if your hair is above your ears in the front but touching your collar in the back, you are wearing a follicle faux pas. A warning to those of you with brush cuts or faux hawks, you are in grave danger of allowing these styles to grow into disaster. Do not risk these styles if you are unable to follow a regular hair styling schedule. Trust me, "growing your hair" is no excuse. In fact, there is no excuse for hockey hair. I don't care if you live under a rock.

Rachel **

Last night's results:

• Le Climb ***
• I did attract women to dance. They just had mullets :(
  
• Conversation with women of interest **
• Dancing ***
  
• Drinks offered *
  
• I was offered drinks but not by women of interest
  
• Pick ups (nil)
• New contacts **

My sad little face

Yesterday during the day, I mentally psyched myself up to ask gorgeous out on a date. After much pondering of my awkwardness around her, it also occurred to me that she was a bit awkward as well. Could this be a sign? Perhaps she is shy! Have you ever noticed that when a person is really really attractive, they are viewed as unobtainable. But what a conundrum if you are very good looking and shy? Ever wonder why some really hot people go out with not so attractive people? I think it is because that the not so attractive people have the guts to ask! Not that I am saying that I am ugly, just that gorgeous is in a different league.

Bolstered by this logic I sped home on my pony (bike) after work, showered and put on my best shirt, my brightest tie and headed down to Cabaret Mado's. By the time I arrived, there were a good crowd of women, mainly in their thirties and forties, mingling by the bar. But no gorgeous. I kept an eye out for her but she was a no show. Sigh. It is hard not to worry that gorgeous' "single window", e.g. the amount of time a lesbian appears on the scene between spats of coupledom, is now closed. Who knows ... I should have asked her out earlier. What I do know is that I am on a mission and it is not for the missionary position! I met some other women of note over baileys but no phone numbers were exchanged. I guess everything is via facebook these days. Well, the weekend starts in less than seven hours. My cold sore cleared up on Monday, thanks to my consistent application of Zovirax over last weekend, and I am ready to continue my talent scouting mission.

To all of you who are also heading out to audition local talent this weekend - good luck!

Rachel **

• Conversation with women of interest ***
• Drinks offered to me **
  
• Pick ups (nil)
• New contacts ***
  

Tonight!

I am actually quite excited about going to Mado's tonight. Cabaret Mado is the place where I have had the most success picking up women in Montreal. I know, it hardly makes any sense. Cabaret Mado is a drag queen cabaret, Mado being the self proclaimed Queen of Drag Queens. Or maybe it does make sense ... bi-curious fag hags pretending to be there for the show while really checking out the female talent in the crowd? Hmm ... maybe I should suggest a drag show at Le Drug.

One pick up in particular was stupendous. To this day, I have no idea how I managed to be so fortunate. I was standing with my back to the stage checking out this absolutely beautiful woman. She had an eighties look going on, large gold hoop earrings, black silky hair tied back in a tight pony tail, black crop top showing just the right amount of tanned tummy, tight dark blue jeans and tall heels. Yum! As I was taking her in, she turned her large amber eyes to me and caught me staring. Busted! She did not smile. In fact her look was so cold, I thought I would soon be wearing her drink. Then a smile teased at the corner of her mouth, she grabbed my hand, said, "You're cute.", and led me downstairs to the women's washrooms.

We entered a mosaic clad stall and made out. Our hands flowed everywhere - up, over, under - it was so HOT! It was actually really, really hot and definitely heading towards bras unsnapping and zips opening when someone flushed in the stall next to us. All of a sudden I became acutely aware of where we were, the flushes and other sounds, the toilet paper clinging to my shoe, the hard edge of the sanitary napkin disposal biting into the small of my back ... I hesitated and the moment was lost. We smiled and returned upstairs. I bought her a drink, got her number and that was it.

Okay, maybe that wasn't a pick up per se but it certainly was a saucy flirt. By the way, I did call her but she had met some guy bla bla bla.

So, um, not that I expect a similar thing to happen tonight but I will be wearing my brightest tie.

Rachel ***

Back on that horse!

After my last post concerning my thwarted booty call, I feel a need to refocus. Repeat with me, "location, location, location"! Here are some local events in the next two weeks:

Kitty Cat Club @ Cabaret Mado
Date: Thursday October 11
Time: 6:00pm - 9:00pm
Address: 1115 Ste-Catherine Est
Cost: $5
Contact: open door policy / facebook group

Single's Soiree @ Echalote Restaurant
Date: Tuesday October 16
Time: 6:30 pm
Contact: RSVP required. Visit here for more details

Chouettes Coquettes Happy Hour @ FÛT-ZION
Date: Friday October 19
Time: 5 pm
Address: 1441 Amherst
Contact: http://www.chouettescoquettes.com
Note: They go out for dinner afterwards as well but you have to RSVP for the dinner. Go to the website and register there.

Tip of the Tongue Karaoke Night
Date: Friday October 19
Time: 9:00pm
This is a closed group so you will have to first join their mailing list in order to acquire the location.
Contact: tiptongue@gmail.com

The above information was gleaned from the links on the right hand side of the page, facebook groups or mailing lists.

Mailing lists:

• miriam ginestier - mim@aei.ca
• Tip of the Tongue - tiptongue@gmail.com

facebook groups to join:

• Kitty Cat Klub
  
• Lesbians and the Outdoors
• MEOW MIXERS


• Faggity Ass Fridays

Good luck!
Rachel ***

Argh.

I just got word that my ex-lover has had to cancel her Montreal booty call because the woman she left me for fell out of a window. I totally agree that she had to cancel the trip but ... argh.

Rachel (nil)

Being thankful

Not a few of you may be against celebrating Thanksgiving (I would add a link here but putting "thanksgiving genocide" into any search engine will give you plenty to read) but today was the day my family celebrated it. We had turkey, autumn vegetables and delicious pumpkin pie. We also had a new guest! One of my brothers brought his new girlfriend and there was no small amount of buzz prior to her arrival. When they finally arrived she did and said all the right things with my parents, brought them some wine, hung up her own coat, helped with the hors d'oeuvres, patted the dog etc. In general, she was very friendly, pleasant to everyone and appropriately dressed e.g. her breasts weren't hanging out of her top.

However, for some reason, this woman could not accept that I was single. What is the deal with coupled people and singles? Admittedly, this blog is about me auditioning local talent but being single is not the end of the world. In all honesty, I would rather be single than in a loveless partnership or otherwise settling for someone. I chose to ignore the few comments along the lines of, "I can't believe that you are single. You seem so intelligent." But then, when we sat down for dinner, she launched into match maker mode.

"Tell me, Rachel, what are you looking for? I know lots of Beaus!"
I shot my brother a quizzical look. He did not return my gaze. "Well, Amelie, I'm actually more into the Belles than the Beaus."
"Oh. Whatever makes you happy is fine with me."
I could have left it there, it being Thanksgiving and all, but her series of hetero-centric assumptions grated on me. So instead I added, "Actually, I hadn't been asking for your approval. I just wanted you to know what I was into before you embarrassed yourself further."

A cloak of silence, save for the clacking of cutlery and smacking of lips, fell upon the table. Amelie had the decency to blush. Finally, my step father asked if anyone would like more potatoes and conversation took over again. Later, as I was bringing plates into the kitchen before dessert, my mom grabbed my arm and quietly said to me. "You handled that well, dear." Which is part of what I feel thankful for right now. Being out to and accepted by my family.

The other thing I feel thankful for is my ingenuity. Last week, I went to one of Outspoken Montreal's Coffee Meetings at Le Cocktail. While I was there I met a wonderful woman but foolishly was too shy to ask for her contact details. A shyness I completely regretted the following day and especially after I realized that the next coffee meeting is on November sixth. This evening while on the metro home from Thanksgiving dinner, I had a eureka moment. Surely, the smooth-movin' lesbian who had also been talking to wonderful, would have at least become wonderful's facebook friend. Sure enough, when I got home and logged into facebook, I discovered that wonderful was indeed smooth-movin's facebook friend. I only felt mildly stalkerish as I sent wonderful a friend request. I was elated when I received her friend acceptance an hour later! May the games begin :)

Rachel ***

• Poaching Contacts ****

Meow

Last night was the tenth anniversary of the mim productions meow mix. This time, though, it was held in a mansion downtown. Neat rooms with a variety of music. A fun night and a great set up to dodge my wouldst be sugar mama, who would like to "keep" me in Sutton, and love of my life ex and former mutual friends disgusting pdas. Tongues are only for airport and train station goodbye kisses! Other than that I didn't really see anyone I knew. Maybe they were dodging me as well ;-)

I've only picked up once at a meow mix. A memorable winter night back when meow mixers were allowed to smoke at the Sala Rosa. I can't even really remember how it started but I ended up dirty dancing with a woman on the smoky dance floor. It was fun and when the lights went up we were still pleased with each others' company. A few more smiles and a tentative kiss later, she invited me over for tea.

Back at hers, I shed my winter layers and was directed to the living room while she put the kettle on. I sat down and was startled to find myself directly across from six larger than life photos of female genitalia in a variety of coiffures and body modifications. Their arrangement in a straight line reminded me of the menu display at my favorite Korean downtown. That night, though, I hoped that instead of ordering Bi-bim-bap in a hot pot I could order the ejaculating clit with the triangle piercing. The woman in question returned with the tea, which, fortunately, was included with the nightly special.

Rachel**

• Dancing **
• Drinks offered to me by women of interest (nil)
• Drinks offered by me to women of interest (nil)
• Pick ups (nil)
• New contacts (nil)
• Evasion of sugar mama *****

Le Drug

Oh oh catch that buzz
Le Drug is the drug i´m thinking of
Oh oh can´t you see
Le Drug is the drug for me
--Roxy Music (tweaked)

It is yesterday afternoon. I am staring out my office window thinking "I really don't want to be here" when I happily get the call:

"Salut, Rachelle. Nous irons au Drug ce soir, peux tu venir?"
"Absolument, mon amie!"
"Parfait, à cinq heures."

Doesn't my name sounds so much sexier in French? Oh, Rachelle! yum.

I check the clock. 4:30. Why hang out until five staring out the window when I can start the weekend now and be nicely refreshed for Monday? The logic I live by. With my files saved to my key chain, desktop shut down and my office door locked, I head to the metro. The Peel street platform is crowded and there are no seats to be had on the train. Obviously, I am not the only one who has decided to kick the weekend off early. Ah! I love Montreal.

Exiting at Beaudry, I stop off at the Couche-Tard for some funds then cross Ste Catherine and head East. We always sit on the roof terrace in the summer and though it is October, it is also 25 degrees. I know the roof top is where my friends will be. How easy it will be to find them is another story but I have more important things to worry about. There are six flights of stairs I must mount properly. Eye contact may be at a minimum in Le Drugstore but trust me, you have eyes on you as your muscles flex up those stairs. Ass presentation at this time is essential to later success on the dance floor. I remove the jacket from about my waste, tuck in my tummy and climb. Fridays are always my "ass pant" days and today I am wearing short pants. I do not miss the opportunity to exhibit my calves as well by pushing off each step fully. If I could get away with it, I would climb two steps at a time. Hopping and jiggling is for descents.

Four flights up, I see the gorgeous woman from my lesbian dinner club waiting for the loo by the hair salon. I am out of breath from the effort of holding in my tummy and climbing. She doesn't see me so, thinking I could pass by and find her later when I can actually speak, I continue climbing.

"Rachel, is that you?" Zuts! I turn around. "Oh, hi," is my casually panting reply. "Wow! I almost didn't recognize you. Are you okay? You look pale." Pale? "I'm fine. Just meeting some friends ..." "Are you sure? You seem really out of breath. Maybe you should sit?" She indicates a bar stool.

Yes, offer me a seat but not in this context. "No, no, no. Please I'm fine. I rushed here from the metro. Where are you ..." A bathroom becomes free. She looks longingly at the open door, "Oh, I really have to pee. If you are okay ...?" "Really, I'm fine." Though, no doubt no longer pale, I can feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment. I throw her a weak smile as she closes the tall orange door.

I climb, find my friends, uneventfully consume pitchers and then head across the street for some Vietnamese. Just after I pay my dinner bill, I feel a tingling at the edge of my mouth. Argh! Stupid deadlines, work stress and me for not eating enough fruit and having not gone to yoga this week. Double argh! My Zovirax cream is at the office. I feign fatigue, beg off dancing and cab it back to work. It is after eleven and my security pass no longer works. The security guard is friendly but no doubt curious as to why I woke him up for what appears to be a small tube of facial cream. Wide awake, I mentally tally the evenings successes and failures as I sign out on the security roster.

Using the Adventure Scale (see panel on right hand side) ...

• Le Climb **
• gorgeous noted I was out of breath but did not wonder if I had an injured leg :)
• Conversation with women of interest *
• Dancing (nil)
  
• Evil herpes virus! :-(
• Drinks offered to me by women of interest (nil)
• Drinks offered by me to women of interest (nil)
• Pick ups (nil)
• New contacts (nil)

Rachel **