How are you?

Hello my pals and party goers, How are you? I'm doing pretty darn good. My auditions resulted in finding a true heart to spend some quality time with. And, bonus, we still leave the house to go to shows. Yes, former mutual friend and love of my life ex are still together and still saccharine sweet. Daddy blue is going to be a daddy - a real one with a live baby. xoxo Rachel O. Esplanade

Identified

After my Nerf launching outburst at work yesterday, I was perturbed. Why was I so upset? How could a single song bother me so much? What was I thinking! Sure, there was nothing but dusty Nerf ball outlines on my office window to remind me of yesterday's frustrations. No one was hurt. No one was yelled at. Today no apologies had to be mumbled. And aren't I over love of my life ex? Surely I am ... Even if she isn't the caricature of annoyance that I have presented to you in this blog, there is a reason she is referred to as love of my life ex. However, for a number of reasons, that whole thing is ancient history. She snored for god sakes!

Ah well, today I am feeling more than happy and kinda "so be it" about that whole thing. I'm not sure if I can solely label one thing that has rendered me in the mood but I wonder, could it be that ...? no I won't say it. I don't want to blame all of my life's tense moments on the lunar orbit. Besides, I'm sure watching Shrek in French while imbibing a glass of pinot noir helped lift my mood, too. There is still a meter of snow outside but I'm enjoying it so much better, albeit from the comfort of my couch.

Rachel (nil - still not leaving the house unnecessarily!)

Sad songs they say so much

There is nothing more romantic than the unobtainable
- Doris Lessing

A colleague of mine came into my office today exclaiming, "You have to hear this song!" Like a fool I thought it would be something upbeat, ya know, a little disco to speed up my typing. Instead, she plugged in her iPod and brought up "The Nicest Thing" by Kate Nash. I sat listening to the slow paced lyrics that hit me like a ton of bricks while my pal buzzed about my office.

"Rachel, does this slinky work?" She tried it. It did. "How cool is that! Is that a real fish tank? Oh, it's a USB one." and other inane comments on my office toys until finally the song ended and she turned to me. "Great song, eh?" "Yeah. Brilliant." "There's another song Puncture Repair by Elbow which you should hear, too." Lady, I really, really want you and your depressing tunes out of my office! "Um, I have a report I need to finish. I'll listen to it later." She took the hint. "Okay, see you later," and she bounded out of my office, no doubt on her way to kill someone else's good mood with her depressing tunes.

I shut the door behind her and flung and caught my Nerf ball against the window chanting. "What," throw. "If!" catch. "What," throw. "If?" catch ...

I stopped when I felt better. Actually, I stopped after I threw the Nerf ball so hard it ricocheted off my desk and knocked over my recycling with the most satisfying crash. After that, I felt better.

Rachel (nil) - I really should create a profile on pink sofa...

No degrees of separation.

Six degrees of separation refers to the idea that, if a person is one "step" away from each person he or she knows and two "steps" away from each person who is known by one of the people he or she knows, then everyone is no more than six "steps" away from each person on Earth ...

--Wikipedia

A Nearly Naked Noel was the bomb! And Cafe Campus was the perfect venue for it. I had an absolute blast last night. Well, I had a blast once I had deftly slalomed to avoid lesbian drama and was safely on my second g & t.

I absolutely adore Miss Sugarpuss. Correction, I have a massive crush on the gorgeous green eyed Miss Sugarpuss. She is yummy! So, imagine my excitement when I managed to find a seat a mere two tables from the stage just in time to catch Miss Sugarpuss and Seska Lee kick off the show. Then, imagine my horror when, post their delightful strip and tassel twist, a quick survey of my surroundings revealed that I had inadvertently sat next to the tonsil hacking twins, a.k.a. love of my life ex and former mutual friend. Worse still, I could not place the woman sitting at the table with them until wonderful sat down next to her. Brief but awkward eye contact with wonderful ensued.

One of the endearing qualities of love of my life ex, who I still appreciate even if she is more often than not somehow physically attached to former mutual friend when I see her, is that she is the master of introductions. Unfortunately, she chose to shine again in this capacity last night in a small pause between acts.

"Rachel, how great to see you!"

"Hi! Nearly didn't see you there." My arms made a vague attempt to outline the beast with two heads she and former mutual friend had so recently formed.

"Oh!" she had the decency to blush, "Still so happy after a year." Smile. So, after a year with me there was no happiness? ... Move on Rache.

"Rachel, I want you to meet wonderful and her partner main squeeze. We met at a female ejaculation workshop last summer."

Last summer. Hm ... definitely getting the feeling that if wonderful has a blog, my nickname is bit on the side.

"How ... wonderful!" I looked up at the balcony and made a vague wave to a speaker before turning back to their table. "Well, really nice to meet you both but I just spotted my friend upstairs." Many smiles were then exchanged around the table which I quickly left for the bar. I bought two gin and tonics, walked them up to the balcony and secured a better view of the stage. Once seated again, I downed one g & t and savored the second during the rest of the show. I giggled discreetly throughout.

Rachel (nil) keepin' my pants on!

PS Check this event out tomorrow

Girls Gone Wild Party!

Friday, December 14, 2007 at 10:00 pm
1285 Amherst below St- Catherine

And we are back ...

... to Montreal, the cold, feeling at least average height again.

It's been awhile since I blogged but essentially, part way through my trip in the Netherlands, while actually out on a date in Utretcht with a woman I had met in Amsterdam's Saarein, little miss everywhere appeared. Well, more appropriately, little miss everywhere sent glasses of port over to my and my date's table as we finished up our meal. A great deal of shenanigans ensued, which was brilliant, but um I didn't get to do as much sight seeing as I had intended for the next few days.

Anyway, I'm back in Montreal, putting little miss everywhere out of my mind and flogging the "location, location, location" horse.

Actually, it wasn't a hundred percent that simple. By some evil twist of fate, I ended up in the arrivals hall at Trudeau airport just as love of my life ex and former mutual friend were reuniting after, gasp, a weekend apart. "Oh baby, I missed you so much!" over and over while they pawed each other amongst the startled masses. Call me jaded but if I hear their insipid "baby" voices again I might have to rip out their tongues. Well, at least they both have the same matching bad hair.

Rachel * (bitter but better off!)

Meow

Last night was the tenth anniversary of the mim productions meow mix. This time, though, it was held in a mansion downtown. Neat rooms with a variety of music. A fun night and a great set up to dodge my wouldst be sugar mama, who would like to "keep" me in Sutton, and love of my life ex and former mutual friends disgusting pdas. Tongues are only for airport and train station goodbye kisses! Other than that I didn't really see anyone I knew. Maybe they were dodging me as well ;-)

I've only picked up once at a meow mix. A memorable winter night back when meow mixers were allowed to smoke at the Sala Rosa. I can't even really remember how it started but I ended up dirty dancing with a woman on the smoky dance floor. It was fun and when the lights went up we were still pleased with each others' company. A few more smiles and a tentative kiss later, she invited me over for tea.

Back at hers, I shed my winter layers and was directed to the living room while she put the kettle on. I sat down and was startled to find myself directly across from six larger than life photos of female genitalia in a variety of coiffures and body modifications. Their arrangement in a straight line reminded me of the menu display at my favorite Korean downtown. That night, though, I hoped that instead of ordering Bi-bim-bap in a hot pot I could order the ejaculating clit with the triangle piercing. The woman in question returned with the tea, which, fortunately, was included with the nightly special.

Rachel**

• Dancing **
• Drinks offered to me by women of interest (nil)
• Drinks offered by me to women of interest (nil)
• Pick ups (nil)
• New contacts (nil)
• Evasion of sugar mama *****

OMG

Earlier, in my facebook news feed the following item appeared:

"love of my life ex and former mutual friend are now engaged."

WTF! When the hell did this happen? She told me that she never ever ever wanted to get married. Outraged, but feigning a congratulatory tone, I sent her a message.

Subject: Engagement :)
Dear love of my life ex,

Wow! how exciting that you and former mutual friend are now engaged. I had no idea that you guys were so serious. When is the wedding? By the way how long have you been together?

curious,
Rachel

The reply ...

Subject: Re: Engagement :)
Rache!

So great to hear from you. I am really glad that you sound genuinely happy for us. Yes, former mutual friend popped the question on labor day but now we are telling everyone. I am so excited! We are going to have the wedding at the Lake. Hopefully your family will be up that weekend so you can enjoy the fireworks, too.

In terms of time line, I guess she and I have been off and on for the last year and a half.

love of your life ex

What! A year and a half? We only broke up a year ago. Women are evil.

Subject: Re: Re: Engagement :)
Dear love of my life ex

I'll let my brother's know - they love crashing weddings.

Rache.