Lost Love

Lost Love

(From "In Memoriam")

I envy not in any moods
 The captive void of noble rage,
 The linnet born within the cage,
That never knew the summer woods;

I envy not the beast that takes
 His license in the field of time,
 Unfetter’d by the sense of crime,
To whom a conscience never wakes;

Nor, what may count itself as blest,
 The heart that never plighted troth
 But stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
Nor any want-begotten rest.

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
 I feel it, when I sorrow most;
 ‘T is better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

-- Alfred Lord Tennyson

Yep, it has been that kind of day.
Rachel (nil)

OMG

Earlier, in my facebook news feed the following item appeared:

"love of my life ex and former mutual friend are now engaged."

WTF! When the hell did this happen? She told me that she never ever ever wanted to get married. Outraged, but feigning a congratulatory tone, I sent her a message.

Subject: Engagement :)
Dear love of my life ex,

Wow! how exciting that you and former mutual friend are now engaged. I had no idea that you guys were so serious. When is the wedding? By the way how long have you been together?

curious,
Rachel

The reply ...

Subject: Re: Engagement :)
Rache!

So great to hear from you. I am really glad that you sound genuinely happy for us. Yes, former mutual friend popped the question on labor day but now we are telling everyone. I am so excited! We are going to have the wedding at the Lake. Hopefully your family will be up that weekend so you can enjoy the fireworks, too.

In terms of time line, I guess she and I have been off and on for the last year and a half.

love of your life ex

What! A year and a half? We only broke up a year ago. Women are evil.

Subject: Re: Re: Engagement :)
Dear love of my life ex

I'll let my brother's know - they love crashing weddings.

Rache.

Travel Bug

My flight to Dublin was delayed ... seemed like a good time to do my Spanish homework.

Dykoon es la más generosa mujer del mundo.
Gorgeous es la más hermosa de mis amigas.
Estoy la más dificil mujer del mundo ...

A soft voice whispered in my ear:

Eres la más divertida mujer en este aeropuerte

I started from my seat, looked over my shoulder to find little miss everywhere grinning from ear to ear. She has a nasty habit of appearing out of nowhere.

As way of explanation she began, "I was on my way to my gate and I spotted you bending over your workbook. Were you listening to music?" I shook my head. "Hmm ... looked like your head was bopping along to something." A comment I might have been embarrassed by if it hadn't been swiftly followed by the sneakiest of grins.

"What are you doing in Montreal?" "I was here for a day of meetings. Sadly no time for other distractions..." "Just one day?" "Yes, I'm based in New York at the moment but popped up here," she indicated with her arm the airport and beyond, "to sort out a few items." "Nice." Pause.

"How the heck did you recognize me?" All of our encounters had been rather brief. Most involved adventures which can only be described as a hard night out. "What with your clothes on?" I had to giggle. "I guess so." She winked. That was hot.

"Beer or ..." I followed her eyes as they trailed over to the women's washroom.

You decide.

Rachel ***** (though not local)

¿Hablas español?

¿Qué horas son, mi corazón?
Me gusta la cena, me gustas tú.
Me gusta la vecina, me gustas tú.
Me gusta su cocina, me gustas tú.
- Me gustas tú par Manu Chao

Everything is sexier in Spanish. Everything. I was on the bus today and overheard a woman essentially describing her job jar. Pretty boring stuff except she was describing it in español! Tengo que limpiar mi casa y comprar la comida ... I have to clean my house and buy groceries. But the way she moved her mouth! The rolling of her tongue on the erre's, the pursing of the lips, the passion of the pronounciation, all that and the hand gestures. ¡Qué rico! French may be the language of romance but, for me, Spanish is the language of sex.

According to statistics, the third most commonly spoken language in Montreal, after French and English, is Spanish. Every Saturday at Sky there is Latino night on the main floor. The drag show, the music, the dancing, the really hot women melding together in a salsa ... all in Spanish. A few nights at Sky this past summer was enough to have me signed up for a refresher class this fall. I started my Spanish class tonight.

As in most of the language classes I have taken, the majority of the students were women. I'd say that most are in their early to mid twenties with a handful either my age or older. A few had short hair but my gaydar was not picking up any signals until la profesora walked in. Oh my god, she is soooo cute! All Velma-esque in her little glasses and tight turtle neck. Though, an updated Velma with funkier hair and tight cords instead of a pleated skirt. Her cute little ass wiggled each time she wrote on the black board. I can already feel that I am going to be such a keener this year.

Hasta luego,

Rachel

Call for Auditions

This is the initial call for auditions of the Lead Femme role in a dramatic comedy in which the star, me, has already been chosen. If you are interested in reading for the part, please meet me at the bar on the lower terrace. Kindly form an orderly line ...

Wouldn't that be great? Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could just hop up to the roof terrace at Le Drugstore after work on a Friday and make that announcement? There is always such a fine collection of yummy Montreal lesbians up there. Sadly for me, and for many of them, the women arrange themselves about tables with little to no mingling with others. Worse still, it is unfortunately hard to determine what is going on at these tables. Do they consist of single friends out on the pull or a complicated web of former and present lovers? Truth be told, a woman is more likely to be met by a series of blank stares than smiles when she finally crests the last of six flights to the top terrace. Assuming said woman receives any eye contact, that is. Zuts Alors!

When I visit Le Drug, as it is affectionately known, I usually end up sitting with my pals over a couple of pitchers before heading out for dinner in the Village. Of course, there is that initial limbo of finding them via a flurry of text messages - did I mention the lack of eye contact? - before the beer is poured. Invariably, all in all, a fun night. Lately, though, I am tiring of my coupled friends' smugness. Just because you are getting laid on a regular basis, or not getting laid on a regular basis, does not mean I need to hear your inane tips on how to pick someone up. Truly, it is as silly for those who are coupled to give advice on how to navigate the singles' scene as it is for the childless to give advice to parents. Please can it! I don't want to hear your clueless advice.

I have been single before, why do I feel the need to perform a thorough talent search now? Several reasons, I guess. It is getting cold up here in La Belle Province, the leaves are changing and, though, it is sunny today I know that soon the roof terrace will be piled high with snow. I prefer winters that involve snuggling with a lover in a cosy cabin over those that include standing in line feeling my ear lobes slowly freeze about my earrings. Also, can you hear that regular tick tock? I'm thirty five and my biological clock is getting so loud I am pricing egg freezing procedures. (To those curious, the cost is three pregnancies worth for about twelve thousand.) That is right, I'm feeling the pressure of both seasonal and biological restrictions. Great! Plus past heart breaks have taught me that though initially fun, long distance is not for me. Therefore, for my sanity and my wallet, this search is all about "location, location, location".

Perhaps my sad little tale has you wondering, "Le Drugstore can not be the only place to meet women? It isn't even an official lesbian bar!", and you would be right. There is more to the lesbian scene than the 5 a 7 I described above. Where it is and how to find it is what I am hoping to unravel for myself and describe to you in these humble posts.

So, all that to resoundingly say: I am currently auditioning local talent.

Rachel